I did it today. I went to the first of my real "lasts." Today was the first indoor track meet of this year...and the first for my last baby...who is also a senior. So this is my first real last. Before I could fool myself: this isn't the last band competition, there's another daughter coming in 4 years; this isn't the last sports event, there the baby coming right behind..and when football season was over, that was not so sad. Track was yet to come. And so track has begun, and it's time for me to face the truth. It's ending. This whole "busy full-time working mom who has to spend weekends at sporting events" role will wrap up on June 3rd.
So today I took some extra time to enjoy. I smiled extra big when he took off for the second leg of the 4x200. I let myself enjoy watching the stride of those legs that make him measure 6'4". I clapped really loud when he cleared the high jump bar (not high enough for state qualifying, but there is still next week for that), and I even jumped up and down as he raced (literally) 55 meters over the hurdles.
I love being a mom. It's probably what I do best. It's definitely a reason I think I'm a better teacher. I will always be a mom, but not in the same way. And so I let it begin. The real "lasts," the final good-byes, the packing up of not just a bedroom, but a major life role.
Ouch. This hurts.